Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter

In light of the commemoration of Christ's sacrifice I have decided to add this wonderful talk that I was shown on my mission and is a great explination of grace and the role of the atonement in our lives and the plan of salvation.

His Grace Is Sufficient

Brad Wilcox


How does God’s grace really work?
A young woman once came to me and asked if we could talk. I said, “Of course. How can I help you?”
She said, “I just don’t get grace.”
I responded, “What is it that you don’t understand?”
She said, “I know I need to do my best, and then Jesus does the rest, but I can’t even do my best.”
I said, “The truth is, Jesus paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished.”
She said, “Right! Like I don’t have to do anything?”
We are saved through the grace of Christ, who paid the price of our sins.

“Oh, no,” I said, “you have plenty to do, but it is not to pay that debt. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence to be judged. What is left to be determined by our obedience is how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and what degree of glory we plan on receiving.”
Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection (see Matthew 5:48; 3 Nephi 12:48) and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could, and He can turn to us now with His own set of requirements (see 3 Nephi 28:35).

Grace Transforms Us

Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher. Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice.
If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing (“Gosh, Mom, why do I need to practice? None of the other kids have to practice! I’m just going to be a professional baseball player anyway!”), perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with Mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.
In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say: “Follow me” (Matthew 4:19); “Keep my commandments” (John 14:15). If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask, maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said, “The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins, but this suffering has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change” (The Lord’s Way [1991], 223; emphasis in original). Let’s put that in terms of the child pianist: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change.
Our works, such as repentance and keeping the commandments, do not save us, but they are requirements set by the Savior to help transform us.
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see Romans 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but no unchanged thing will even want to.
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there. If Heavenly Father and His Son did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change. Think of your friends and family members who have chosen to live without faith and without repentance. They don’t want to change. They are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin. If the Father and the Son did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Heavenly Father and His Son did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are. Put simply, if Jesus didn’t require practice, then we would never become Saints.

Grace Helps Us

“But don’t you realize how hard it is to practice? I’m just not very good at the piano. I hit a lot of wrong notes. It takes me forever to get it right.” Now wait. Isn’t that all part of the learning process? When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with progress in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven?
Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they continually feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.
God’s grace is divine power to help us with all of our shortcomings and is available to us at all times.
There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can, as it says in the Doctrine and Covenants, “continue in patience until [we] are perfected” (D&C 67:13).
Grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now.

Grace Is Sufficient

The grace of Christ is sufficient (see Ether 12:27; D&C 17:8)—sufficient to cover our debt, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes. The Book of Mormon teaches us to rely solely on “the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 Nephi 2:8). As we do, we do not discover—as some Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing of us. Rather, we discover the reason He requires so much and the strength to do all He asks (see Philippians 4:13). Grace is not the absence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the presence of God’s power (see Luke 1:37).
God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’s grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need. Don’t quit. Keep trying. Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and, as you do, you will feel the enabling power and divine help we call His amazing grace.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Step 1

HONESTY
KEY PRINCIPLE: Admit that you, of yourself, are
powerless to overcome your addictions and that
your life has become unmanageable.
 
 
 
I am an addict. I had worked so hard at avoiding situations in which I could be tempted but within 2 months of returning home I relapsed.
 
During my mission, by a lot of little miracles, I got in contact with this beautiful, faithful daughter of God. Writing letters to her was just as entertaining as receiving them she was witty and sassy and those letters provided me with a nice break from the difficulties of missionary life. After my mission we made contact first through Facebook. As we were communicating I started developing feelings for this woman. It was weird I was uncertain, I spent no personal time with this woman but I started feeling like I wanted to do anything for her. Getting a text from her put a smile on my face and we'd make jokes and talk about basically anything under the sun. I felt super comfortable talking to her and we'd talk via Skype for hours on end about problems in our lives, funny stories basically anything.

I relapsed one night while she was out with family and I was tired and just got home from work but I knew she wouldn't be on Skype but I got on my computer anyway. Interestingly enough the secretary of the stake presidency had emailed me just shortly before the relapse asking to set up a meeting with the Stake President. I met with him, expressed my frustration at this stupid addiction and how I could never kick it for good. So I got a blessing and started attending Recovery meetings.

They were great! They made a great support group, I even told this woman about my relapse and how I had trouble with pornography in the past, it hurt her a lot. She cried and cried. If it wasn't for the fact that for whatever reason then I felt accountable to her I may have never gone to the meetings in the first place and for that I thank her. 

In January I met her in person for the first time on my way to school and I realized that I had truly fallen in love with her, that what I felt for her was beyond what I had previously defined as love. I wanted to see her fufill her dreams become the best that she could to achieve anything she wanted to. I would jump on a grenade to save her life without a moments hesitation. I would go anywhere and do anything for her, and I still will. Shortly after meeting her we both went off to school. I stopped going to the meetings.

Good news about living on campus the internet is a nightmare, you can't do anything and I mean anything. So whenever temptations came (which wasn't frequent because I was busy with other things) I was too lazy to do anything or act on them so I felt I had it under control.

Weekend of Valentine's Day we met up in northern/central Utah. She then, after some questioning about why she was acting different, dumped me. This woman for whom I'd do anything was done with our relationship. I felt as though my heart and been ripped out, stepped on, ran over, pooped on and shredded all at once. Then I did somethings that for her sake and privacy and to promote forgetting it and moving on I will not mention. I lost her because of what I did, I didn't just lose a girlfriend that day but I lost my best friend and my confidant. We are no longer in contact, and I want her to know (if she finds this) that I wish her the best in life and that I am in her debt.

The pain of continuing with this problem is immensely worse than the pain to fix it. It may have been that we met each other and fell in love so that I would have the opportunity to experience this to realize that if I don't fix this problem I could lose something as wonderful as this was, if not better. Had I not had this experience it might have been my wife that I would've lost because of this addiction and for that I am grateful but I am also torn apart and in pain because I have memories of what happened and the pain I caused the woman I love more than anything in the world. If being an emotional wreck and having sexual addictions warrant possession then that may be a cause for what happened. Regardless I lost control and cannot afford to lose control again.

Why a blog?

So the reason I'm starting this blog is actually quite simple. The addiction recovery (12 step) program has as it's last step "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, share this message with others and practice these principles in all you do." I haven't done all of the steps yet, but I feel it'd be easier to make this blog as I take the steps than to finish everything and try to remember thoughts and feelings etc.(You can download the PDF of the twelve step program here.)

According to my Mission President this scripture "Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins. (James 5:20)" teaches that as we help others come unto Christ and repent of their sins we receive forgiveness for our own mistakes and errors. I hope that through this blog I will be able to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to help others with their weaknesses and show them that they are not alone and that no one is beyond the power of the Atonement.