Les Miserables

Happy conference weekend everyone! I enjoy conference very much to think it was in the priesthood session of conference 3 years ago (which I slept through most of) that I received a special witness that Thomas S. Monson was a Prophet of God and so regardless of how unlikely the rest of the theology seemed Thomas S. Monson was a Prophet and as such he had to have received keys in an unbroken line, which means Joseph Smith truly did have the First Vision and truly did translate the Book of Mormon.

 

This time around it was something else. I'm grateful for the atonement of Christ and the role it has played in my life and conference this time around reminded me of that, it was a very loving "you made a mistake now work on it so it doesn't happen again" and at the same time. I thought of the woman that I harmed and betrayed and I hoped that she feels that her pain  isn't something she has to deal with alone, that Christ has felt it, suffered through it and that ultimately He'll be there every step of the way to help her. This is truly a humbling experience. I want to do everything possible to help her heal to take away the pain but the only thing I can do to help her is choose inaction to avoid her to avoid the pain and bringing up the situation again. Because of this I have to rely wholly upon Christ to work His miracles (not that it's different to how we should normally think).

Les Miserables is one of my favorite musicals, it has great music and evokes strong emotions. I spent most of my life growing up like Javert with the overdeveloped sense of justice and crime and punishment. In the song "Stars" we are shown the belief that justice is always required:

 

"And so it has been and so it is written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price!"

 

This for me is very easy to understand a set in stone you commit a crime, make a mistake 'falter' you receive a punishment equal to your crime. Later in the musical Valjean (an escaped convict) and Javert have another encounter but this time Javert is in Valjean's mercy and Valjean (1) forgives him for what he's done and (2) lets him go. This then begins to tear at the very fibers of Javert's being in "Javert's Suicide":

 

"He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right.
It was my right to die as well
Instead I live... but live in hell.

And my thoughts fly apart

.....

 

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean.
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on...." (Javert then commits suicide)

This whole situation tears me apart. I feel that I can't "pay the price" or fix what happened or anything like that and so like Javert I'm torn apart by this mercy. I understand that Christ payed for everything or that we are judged by our actions and the desires of our hearts and my desires to make it right have softened the blow but I feel as though she is suffering and going through a lot more pain and trouble than I am and that isn't fair that isn't just. I unlike Javert will not take the option of suicide other such outlets because if she ever found out it'd probably tear her apart as well and she deserves better than that.

As brought up in conference today Valjean was also put in a similar situation he had stolen silver plates from this priest who had welcomed him in and gave him food to eat and a place to rest. When taken and brought back before the priest instead of enacting justice the priest said:

"But my friend you left so early
Surley something slipped your mind.
You forgot I gave these also.
Would you leave the best behind?
So, Messieurs, you may release him
For this man has spoken true.
I commend you for your duty
And God's blessing go with you.
(to VALJEAN)But remember this, my brother
See in this some higher plan.
You must use this precious silver
To become an honest man.
By the witness of the martyrs
By the Passion and the Blood
God has raised you out of darkness
I have bought your soul for God!"

 

In response to this act of mercy Valjean has a "introspective breakdown" much like Javert in Valjean's soliloquy:

 

 "One word from him and I'd be back, beneath the lash upon the rack
Instead he offers me my freedom
I feel my shame inside me like a knife
He told me that I had a soul. How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life? Is there another way to go?

I am reaching but I fall, and the night is closing in
As I stare into the void, to the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from the world, from the world of Jean Valjean"

 

Valjean then turns around and becomes a great benefactor and hero for other people. Ultimately it's a decision that I must make, like in "His Grace is Sufficient" that I posted a few weeks ago I cannot at this point 'make up' the mercy I received both from Christ and from this woman and her family but I can choose to act, like Valjean, and use this as an opportunity to show my gratitude and do a greater good.